To diagnose or not to diagnose

I am an undiagnosed autistic... or at least, I think so. It's hard to say for sure, since I haven't been diagnosed. I have two kids who fall on the autistic spectrum, one officially diagnosed, the other undiagnosed (though he evaluated positive, but more on that later), and in the process of evaluation, I recognized enough identifiers that I either exhibit or have exhibited through my life that I am reasonably certain of my own autism.

In fact, the more I get to know about autism, particularly high-functioning autism, the more sense I am able to make of "problems" that I've struggled with throughout my life. I put that in quotes because at least in some cases, things that I interpreted as problems really were simply my characteristics. All the frustration from time spent searching fruitlessly through college and grad school for "what was wrong with me" and the resignation that followed of ever figuring it out is gradually being replaced by a sense of relief, acceptance, and in some way, comfort with who I am.

So, why not simply get myself diagnosed? Well, for one thing, I'm a procrastinator. I haven't gotten around to it yet. For another, I'm only beginning to see the potential of any benefit of getting an official diagnosis, and finally, there is this nagging fear that I have somehow misdiagnosed myself (as I have done in the past) and that I am reopening the old wounds of uncertainty and frustration only to be disappointed by a negative diagnosis, forcing myself to face the question of "well if it's not this, then what is it?"

I may get myself diagnosed some time, and it may even be some time soon. In the meantime, I recognize that the lack of diagnosis really casts a bit of a shadow of doubt on this whole blog. Sort of. Regardless of whether I can provide any meaningful insight into coping with high-functioning autism in the first person, I can at least provide definitive insight into coping with high-functioning autism from the third person. I have years of experience with high-functioning autistic children, and so I'm comfortable sharing about that. The rest, I simply put forth and trust that you will take it with the appropriate quantity of salt.

Finally, I want to return briefly to the topic of my undiagnosed son. Should I get him diagnosed or not? We were ready to get him diagnosed when he was four, and while he was evaluated as a borderline high-functioning autistic at the time, the recommendation we received at that time was to not get him officially diagnosed unless and until it would provide him with some benefit. Why saddle him with a label that may carry unforseen challenges if there is no benefit? At the time, he was able to get the services he needed under the generic and unofficial umbrella of "developmentally delayed", and by the time he turned eight and required an official diagnosis to receive any further services, he had become self-sufficient in dealing with any issues he faced. He's done quite well on his own since then. Does that mean that we should never get him diagnosed? Not necessarily. If it becomes apparent that he has some need that a diagnosis would allow him to receive assistance, then we will get him diagnosed. We will be exploring that with him as he moves into middle school and faces new challenges.

In the meantime, we just try to be aware and help him ourselves, and I do the same for myself. One day at a time.